Payne, Lillith - His Unconventional Woman (Siren Publishing Classic) Read online

Clay had no way of knowing who Gavin was, or what his relationship with Dana entailed. His inner feeling was that the guy was a bit too friendly. What could be so important? He finally fled her new home, feeling as if he’d become a voyeur of sorts. Outside he paused, looking to the sky. The stars were out and it saddened him. He sat on one of the lounge chairs outside her door, his head in his hands, for a long time, wondering, cursing himself for the jealousy he was experiencing. He had no right, he knew, but it didn’t matter. Clay didn’t want any other man calling her with terms of endearment.

  Dana stood in the darkness of the living room watching Clay. He had no idea she could see him sitting there. Only the glow of his cigar indicated his movement. How long had he been there, she wondered as she took a cleansing breath and pulled open the door.

  “Hi.” Slowly she stepped outside, barefoot as usual.

  “You’re supposed to be sleeping.”

  “I was. I’m awake now.” She slipped out into the darkness, taking the chaise lounge next to him. He watched as she slid back into the chair, her legs stretching out in front of her. “Want something to drink?”

  “No, I have to go.” The tone of his voice bothered Dana. He sounded angry, but she had no idea at what. He wasn’t surprised when she reached to take the cigar from his hand. She kept it for several puffs before handing it back.

  “How long have you been here, Clay?”

  “Just a few minutes.” He seemed uncomfortable. “I was watching the sunset.”

  “I missed it.” In the darkness, she watched his profile. The material of his shirt stretched over his shoulders then down along his muscled back. Her initial instinct was to run her hand along his arm, but she held back. “Since you’re still here, does your offer still stand?”

  Dana watched panic rise to his expression. He waited a long time before he asked what offer she meant. “Help, of course. There are some books I need to put away…Clay, are you okay?”

  “Yeah, sure, kid. Let’s get them put up.” He put out his cigar in the large cement planter beside the door. Inside, she only turned on the small desk light. Walking to the wall of bookshelves at the far end of the room, she climbed up the small stepladder, looking to him.

  “Clay?” What’s wrong with him, she wondered. “The books?”

  Slowly he gathered an armful, walking toward her. He handed them up one by one. She decided he was pretending to be interested in the titles, which were mostly her textbooks and reference books. Each time she reached down, Dana knew he caught a glimpse of the tops of her breasts. When she would lean across to place a book, the hem of her slip would rise. Each time it did, she throbbed inside. Just the idea of teasing him with her almost-nude body made her wet and horny. How far she would go remained to be seen.

  “Which one’s next?” he managed to choke out.

  “Those next to the couch, please.” Clearing his throat before trying to talk again, she watched as his cheeks flamed with embarrassment. Clay grabbed three books from the top of the stack. Dana decided he seemed suddenly antsy. Beside her again, as she placed the third book, she turned and smiled down at him. She allowed herself a sexy smile, wondering how he’d fuck her and use her body to satisfy them both.

  Clay reached up and grabbed her by the waist, taking her off the ladder, holding her against him, slowly lowering her to the floor. As her body slid along his, she felt his excitement against her. He still held her by the waist, searching her face for a sign, something, anything that would guide him. Finally, he released her, stepping back. “Dana, I can’t be here with you dressed like that…or not dressed, whichever.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t think. I’ll go change.”

  “Don’t, I’m leaving. I’ll help you with the rest of these another time.” He made it to the door and hesitated. Dana decided if he looked back she might have a shot at winning his affections. Just being home these last few weeks had her rethinking her decisions on hiding her peculiarities. Maybe if Clay truly loved her, he would accept her needs without laying judgment or telling tales. But she knew once she revealed her secret it would never be secret again. Could she live in town if her private life became public knowledge? If Clay walked straight through the door, never looking back, she’d have her answer, and be devastated on a new level. He hesitated with his fingers on the handle turning back to look at her.

  “God, help me,” he whispered.

  She was beside him seconds later, pressing against him. “I have to get out of here,” he told her, just before his lips dropped over hers. What started out as a caress quickly turned into something hot and wanton. Her sigh against his mouth spurred him on, her fingers tightening in his hair as he deepened his pursuit.

  Dana gave him what he asked for, and realized she was demanding it back from him. His hands slid along her sides, down to her hips, and back up. Only when his fingers reached toward her breasts did he pull away. Dana was instantly disappointed. Clay took the time to catch his breath while Dana tried to figure out where she misplaced her sanity. With a light kiss to her lips, he released her.

  “I need to leave, Dana,” his voice told her, but his eyes asked for something else entirely. With precise movements he dropped his hands to his sides, his fingers flexing.

  “Clay, I knew it would happen, it’s changed.” Dana heard the raw emotion in her own words. She spent too much time guarding her privacy. With one simple statement, she had ripped the door from its hinges, letting it flood open to him if he asked. If he didn’t, she wouldn’t offer any information. Best to let him think she was insecure as opposed to a spanking and bondage junkie.

  Dana felt her own cheeks heat with embarrassment at the idea. Still, it confused and amazed her how her body reacted to the idea of having her butt spanked while Clay fucked her ass. She knew his cock was long and full, knew how he’d fill her, could almost feel his hands grasping her hips as he pumped in and out of her. Or to have her hands tied, allowing him full access to her body to use at his whim. She shook herself from the idea when she felt her nipples bud tight. Oh, she thought, to have his fingers caressing against her breasts while his lips and mouth sucked her nipples. Her next emotion was panic, and she pulled her façade back in place.

  “I’m sorry, Clay. I know there is no going back. I miss the old us already.” He let his eyes meet hers for what seemed like eternity. He took a few steps, closing the space between them, his arms instinctively opened to her again. Resigned, she slowly walked to him, wrapping herself around him.

  “Dana, I can’t not want you. I’ve tried. Trust me, sweetheart, I have tried.” He pulled back, watching her face. “I know it’s different. Nevertheless, it will be all right, I promise. We’ll find our place again.” Clay’s hands held her tightly. “I never wanted to make you sad. I just wanted to love you.”

  “I want it, too, Clay. It’s just not in me. I’m cold, shut down. The only time I do feel is when I’m in your arms. It’s all so overwhelming. My body tells me one thing, but my mind won’t let me follow through.” The shiver that ran through him radiated to Dana. Pulling back, she walked to the fireplace, keeping her back toward him. Clay stood straight and looked directly at her. “Dana, if you prefer women to men, I can still be your friend and confidant. If my touching you bothers you, I’ll try not to manhandle you. Is there a special woman?”

  Dana was so taken aback she burst out laughing until tears rolled down her cheeks. “I haven’t laughed so hard in I don’t know how long!” She saw how serious Clay was. “Is that what you think the problem is? That I’m a closet lesbian?”

  “It’s an option, and you’re very…elusive with our conversations.”

  “Trust me, Clay, I’m not into women. I’m very much into men and their anatomy.” Her admission seemed to stun him. “Or did you think I was still a virgin and afraid of you fucking me?”

  “I…I…”

  “I wasn’t, technically, the night of the storm at your house. I still remember how you made me feel with your mouth and han
ds.” She waited for his reaction. “From my perspective, the only problem with that night was you wouldn’t actually put your cock in me, my pussy or my ass. I had to all but hold you down to suck you off.” She didn’t hold back her smile at his discomfort. “Is my being blunt embarrassing you?” She paused and drew a breath. She’d gone this far, there was no sense turning back know. “You made me plead to feel your cock in my body, and still you wouldn’t fuck me.”

  “You were too young, Dana. It wouldn’t have been right.”

  “But it would have been fun!” She watched his body tense and couldn’t hold back a smile, which turned into a full-out laugh. It took a long time for him to finally laugh with her.

  “I’ll make you a deal, Dana. I’ll stay and help you put the rest of this stuff away, but you have to get dressed, sweetheart. I can’t think straight with you standing there in that.” The look on his face gave away much more than the term of endearment had. Dana studied him, deciding she liked it when he call her that.

  “All right, but only because you called me sweetheart.” She was still laughing as she turned away then halted. “I don’t mean to be a tease, Clay.” Then she turned back to him. “If I wanted to tease you I’d have dressed in less!” She almost added that it would be black leather, or maybe just handcuffs, but she decided they were finding a new peace, and she wanted to keep it.

  “Jeez, Dana.” He was standing behind her instantly. His arms came to rub her upper arms while his lips traced her throat. “I’m already distracted seeing you up on that ladder in this slip of a thing.” For a second time his lips found the nape of her neck, pressing a line of kisses along it. “Don’t get me wrong, I approve of the look, hell, I’m enjoying it. That’s the problem. I’m enjoying it too much.” She relaxed back against his chest, reveling in his strength. “I’m supposed to be giving you some time to adjust to this big move, and all it’s brought with it. Dana, you’ve only been home a few weeks. I’m rushing you. I don’t have the right.”

  “You’re the only one who has a right.” With that, she pulled away and walked to the fireplace. Taking a match from the box on the hearth, she lit the waiting kindling. Clay watched as the fire took hold, spreading across the opening. Dana watched it for a moment, and then reached to pick up a stray scrap of photograph. Without looking at it, she tossed it on top of the flame. She didn’t wait to watch it shrivel and burn, although she noted Clay did.

  Dana didn’t see it as anything symbolic. Standing there, she realized the pictures were laying there. She didn’t want to ever see them again. It was a natural instinct to burn them. It wasn’t until she rose up, and saw Clay watching them burn that she thought of the significance of her action.

  “I’ll go put something on.”

  “I’ll get the wine.” He hadn’t looked at her. Instead he headed to the patio. “Dana, something long and fluffy, flannel maybe,” he teased.

  “I’ll see what I can find. Would one of Aunt Mary’s bathrobes help?” Spinning, he wasn’t sure what her words offered. Catching his eye, she stuck her tongue out.

  Shaking his head, he went outside. Returning, he hollered into the bedroom, “Dana, maybe a few hair curlers would help. Those big pink things.” He was filling two glasses with the wine when she returned. “That was quick.”

  “The best I can do under the limited circumstances.” Clay handed her a glass, heading back to the fire.

  Chapter Seven

  He set several logs on the now-glowing embers. She had donned a pair of jeans and a sleeveless cotton sweater. It was long and baggy, hanging almost to her knees. If the soft white hadn’t set against the chocolate color of her hair, he might have been all right. He wasn’t. She could be dressed in a paper bag and he would still desire her. The firelight didn’t help disguise her curves. Rather, it seemed to emphasize what was under the bulky clothing.

  Clay continued to hand her up stacks of books, when he finally spoke. “It didn’t work, you know. I still want you, Dana.” Her eyes looked down into his. He read both fear and panic, yet longing at the same time. “No matter what happens, we’ll make it work out. I will always be in your life.”

  “Clay, it’s never been like this for me before. I know you must think that’s crazy, but it hasn’t.”

  “Dana, I admit, I was never a saint.” She glanced at him, one eyebrow up. “I admit it. I’ve led a varied, full life.” Dana sat on the top of the stepladder. Clay handed her a glass, taking the other for himself. “This is different. The rest never mattered.” Clay watched Dana stiffen and look past him.

  Slowly, he turned, watching the shadows change in the dim light. The sharp rap on the glass door didn’t surprise either of them.

  “I thought I saw your truck out there. How’s the unpacking going?” Jeff asked.

  “Just about done, thanks to Clay. And Ruth spent the better part of her day helping me get settled. How was your supper?” Dana asked.

  Clay watched as Jeff took a quick look around, smiling.

  “Supper was fine. The place looks like you already.” He went to the desk, picking up a small china figurine of a horse. “Welcome home, Dana.”

  “Thanks, Jeff. It’s getting there.”

  “You two want some help?” He walked to the mantel, looking over the framed photos she had chosen to display. Clay watched him as he went from one to the next. There was a picture of her parents, and one of her grandparents. Aunt Mary and Leo on their wedding day, Ruth and Dana at her graduation, along with several family groupings. In another, the four of them at Jeff and Lisa’s wedding.

  In that one, Dana stood in front of Clay, Lisa in front of Jeff. It just seemed natural for Clay to be holding her against him. The last on the shelf was an old black and white. Dana must have been twelve; her arm was in a cast. She was sitting on the back of the horse that had thrown her, her smile wide. Jeff and Clay both turned to look at the camera as it was taken.

  “That was your first ride after you got thrown,” Jeff remembered. “The next day, if I recall.”

  Clay remembered she had caught the two coming home from an all-night party. They were both tired and hungover. She hadn’t cared. What mattered most was getting back on the horse that had thrown her. “I was so hungover, Dana. I don’t know how you talked us into that ride.”

  “Simple. It was easier than listening to me whine.” With a sly smile, she winked at him. “Besides, it cleared your head.”

  “Yeah, it did wonders for me,” he teased.

  “There are only a few books left. Go home to your wife,” she said with a knowing smile.

  “Sounds good to me. Night.” As he passed her desk, he saw the flashing light on the house line base. Jeff hit the button, and Clay tensed as the man’s voice came on the speaker. When it had finished, Dana looked from Clay to Jeff. Shaking her head, she began to laugh.

  “Dana, if he comes here, he stays here. Nothing against the guy, but he never stops moving. He drove me crazy last time.”

  “Come on, Jeff. That’s just how he is.”

  “Fine, let him be that way here in the guesthouse!”

  “Lisa had a good time with him. Clay, are you all right?”

  “Yeah, sorry, a million miles away.” He shook himself from his thoughts. “Well, I hope that’s where you keep him, too. A million miles away from me or at least here in the guesthouse. Dana, promise me, if he comes, you’ll move back to the house during his visit.”

  “We don’t even know that’s why he called.”

  “Every time he calls, you go running, or he comes running to you. The guesthouse, Dana, please?”

  “Okay, okay, but you know he especially liked you.” Her lips spread into a sly smile, holding back a laugh until it burst through. “Besides, he’s never met Clay!”

  “True.” Brother looked to sister, able to hold back the laugh for only a second. Clay was even more confused when Jeff added, “Be careful, Clay.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” Anger flashed through Clay’s bei
ng, something that rarely happened these days. Both Jeff and Dana caught it.

  “Relax. Gavin is committed to Harry, and you know it. Neither one would dare to stray. Although you would fuel a few dreams for them both, I suppose.” Clay looked to Jeff for help. All he got was a shake of his head. “They’re welcome as your friends, Dana, but keep them away from me, okay. Don’t promise any more personal guided tours of the farm.”

  “Yes, Jeff. But you know Harry is great with babies.”

  “Good night, Dana, Clay.” Jeff turned and left. Clay could only surmise his apprehensive stance was from the possibility of another visit from Dana’s friends.

  “Night, Jeff.” Clay added, wondering when all this was going to come to a head. Dreading the thought of the coming confrontation, Clay couldn’t understand what was suddenly so funny to Dana.

  “What?”

  “God, Clay. I’ve never seen the color drain from your face so quickly. It’s not like he caught us in bed together. You were just helping me move some books.”

  “He’s a man, Dana. He knows the dynamics between us have changed.”

  “Does that bother you?”

  “Only because I know sooner or later he’s gonna beat my ass for it.” Dana bubbled over with laughter. “I don’t see that as being funny. He’s going get protective.”

  “Somehow I don’t see the two of you fistfighting over me.”

  Dana leaned down, which brought his face close to hers. “You’re worth it. What’s a black eye between old friends?” He stopped for a moment, thinking to himself before he continued. “Hell, for the thoughts I’ve had about you for the last few years, I deserve it!”

  “Just make sure he doesn’t go for the important stuff!” She blushed in the firelight, never having been so bold and brazen before. Clay was beginning to like flirting with Dana.

  “So this is how it’s going to be. You’re going to torment me!” His eyes lit as he reached for her. Snatching her from the top of the ladder, he pulled her against him. “I’m gonna love every minute of it.” He kissed her forehead then released her. “Sweetheart, someday soon, I’m going to take you places you never imagined existed.” This time, he didn’t cringe when he used the new nickname.